moving in

My living room is filled with boxes, the furniture is mostly shoved into one corner, and I still don't know where my alarm clock is. We've been in this apartment for a couple of weeks now, but there's still the feeling of moving in, getting settled.  That's how I feel about this blog.  It's shiny and new, it has good light and a nice layout, but I'm still figuring out how I'm going to maneuver through it each day, where I'm going to put the hope chest that was my mother's, how much money can I afford to spend on a couch.  I have a good feel for what I want to create, but I have to work my way towards that, unpacking each word and sentence carefully, finding them a good home.

And then there's the kidlet (my seven year old son).  I want him to feel comfortable here, too, in fact that's one of the most important things.  His room was the first to be finished, his Spiderman bedspread smoothed out, his toys lined up on the shelf.  Without even knowing it, he's trusting me to tell his story for him until he's old enough to do it for himself.

Telling stories--that's what blogging is all about for me.  I want to tell my story, I want to take the pieces, the fleeting bits of daily life, the major events that leave me breathless and shaken, all those disparate moments, and form them into a story that makes some sort of sense.  Somehow, to paraphrase Isak Dinesen, life seen as a story makes it all manageable.  When I'm hauling 50 pounds of laundry in the rain, or waking up yet again in the middle of the night to calls of "Mom! My knee hurts,"  or when I am achingly lonely and longing for some help, I sometimes think to myself, just write it down later, it'll be OK.  With all the different forces tugging at me everyday, I need a place to pull it all back together, to weave it into something coherent, to give it shape and structure, a logical form that shows off the beauty as well as the pain.

Our new apartment sits on the edge of a big hill. From my perch here at the dining room table I can peer between the trees to catch a glimpse of Elliott Bay or I can turn and look the other direction towards the neat rows of houses sitting on some of the most expensive real estate in the city.  I often wonder where exactly the kidlet and I fit in. Our little family of two is not the norm here.  But we are making our home, sweeping out the corners, putting down the welcome mat. We are eating our breakfast and walking to school.  As a single mom, I may often feel like I'm on the outside looking in, like I'm hovering on the edge.  The good thing is, I've learned how to hang on.  I've built a place for us here. I'm no longer afraid I'm going to fall off.

Comments

[BigSlice]

Welcome home, Janeen! I'm looking forward to reading your stories.

[Owlhaven]

Welcome to your new spot!!

Mary

[whackamole]

What a wonderful walk around your block! I look forward to another stroll tomorrow.

All the best to you and the kid-let.

[Kat]

What a lovely start, Janeen. Good luck unpacking!

[mla]

What a nice introduction to a Mom we can really relate to. Very nice word pictures. May your new home be all you hope for and then some.

[Judy Burger]

Aloha Janeen, I saw this on a card the other day, "As you journey through life, leave tracks".....and so you are. I will enjoy the diary.

[xath]

I'm sure that kidlet is SO excited with his new room. WHo wouldn't be, with Spiderman guarding him at night? Your digs sound fabulous and i'm anxious to hear more stories......Of course I've been a big fan of your other blogs and will look forward to following kidlet tales here.

[Kvetch]

Also a single mom, I always feel like I have one foot in my suburban life and one foot hanging off the edge of a cliff! Just like everyone else, yet so not. I look forward to reading more - I have not found too many single moms in the blogosphere. :-)

[Janeen]

Thanks so much for the warm welcome everyone!

[GraceD]

Breathtakingly beautiful first post, dear Janeen. We will all hang on the edge with you.

If I were in the neighborhood, I'd help you haul that load of laundry.

Congratulations on becoming a ClubMom blogger. Your writing deserves this visibility and honor.

[Karen]

Welcome to your new digs, Janeen! I hope both places start feeling like home soon.

[Aimee]

I'm a single mom too and I identify with not having enough time for myself. But the rewards of being a mother far outweigh the costs and you've captured them here. Your blog was a pleasure to read. I look forward to reading more.