the fart report

As often as not these days, it seems that whenever we are out in public doing some sort of mundane everyday activity, the kidlet looks up and declares loudly, "I farted!"  I call this phenomenon the fart report. Whether at the grocery store or hanging out with friends, he takes great joy in annoucing this most hilarious of bodily functions, and of course in observing the reaction this elicits from me.  There was a time when that was a sort of bemused mock horror.

"Thanks for sharing," I'd say, giving him a look.  But it's starting to get out of hand. 

When the kidlet was three, I dated a man who had three older boys.  Visits to their house were rioutous occasions filled with highly elaborate rules about farting and the consequences thereof.  The kidlet was in awe of these big kids, and amazed at their behavior which was so different from what went on at our house.  He soon figured out that their way was much more fun.

At that age it could be fun for me, too.  I figure I needed to let out my inner little boy, and so I'd let one rip and we'd giggle hysterically.  It was a tender bonding moment.  But now he's seven.  Farting isn't so cute.  However, there seems to be no taming the monster that I've unleashed.  The dental hygienist, strangers at the park, and heaven forbid, his great grandmother are kept regularly apprised of the state of the kidlet's digestive system.  I've pretty much resigned myself to the situation--if I make too big a deal out of it, it's just more fun for him.  Besides, whatever the kidlet's farting tendencies, it still beats sleeping in bed with a similarly inclined man.

Comments

[whackamole]

Fart Appreciation functions like one of those Secret Handshakes. In this case, you gain entry into the Boy Club where Mel Brooks is among the sainted (see the campfire scene in the Gospel according to Blazing Saddles).

I'm surprised that pullmyfinger.com isn't the most visited site on the internet.

[Kvetch]

You said it. Little boy farts are much better than man farts. Uh, and they're better than 14 year old boy farts - which luckily are not humor fodder these days!

[jen]

What's even worse with the fart report is when your son reports on the fart you did in the supermarket - loudly of course (the comment not the fart)!

[Cathy]

I live in a house with four males aged from 45 through 16, 14 and 11. The youngest two are working on farting the alphabet, the 16-year-old has had a fartectomy since acquiring a girlfriend, and the 45-year-old is convinced that "it's a recognised medical condition".
And we live in a country where the government came THAT close to introducing a fart tax to ensure our agricultural sector funded enough research to meet Kyoto Protocol requirements.
Don't fight it. You can't win.

[MeOhMy]

A fart is something to celebrate and should be announced to all within a mile radius. This allows other people in the area to remain ready for the butt odor which will reach their nostrils in a few seconds...