why I'm raising my son to be a feminist

When I first came back from Mexico I worked as a nanny for a friend of mine who had two boys.  One day the older boy, who was three, asked me if I liked pink.  "Sure," I said, "pink is a nice color."

"I like pink, too!" he exclaimed.  "But my daddy doesn't."  Apparently he'd wanted to paint his bedroom pink and dad said no way.  So we bounced on the bed in his blue room and shouted "I like pink!  I like pink!"

When the kidlet was about two, he'd been hanging out with some good friends of mine, a married couple, who ended up painting their nails on the day the kidlet was at their house.  Of course, the kidlet wanted to join in the fun.  He choose to do his nails in a dark green color, just like the husband had painted his.  When I brought the kidlet to his dad's house afterward, I got an earful in Spanish, loudly and crudely, about how I was corrupting the masculinity of our son.

At seven, the kidlet is less interested in doing stuff that he thinks of as girly.  He's still defining who he is, and of course being a boy is a big part of that.  The culture at large doesn't give him a lot of alternatives.  He sees exactly what boys and men are supposed to be like based on all sorts of cues.  Which is exactly why I think it's part of my job to counter that.  I want to let him know that he can make choices about how we wants to be based on other things besides superhero movies.  Life offers so many possibilities, I don't want him to limit himself from something that might really fit just because someone else is telling him it's not for boys.

Yes, I want to raise the kidlet to be a feminist.  Right now that means that I want him to realize how cool it is to be a boy (but it's also cool to be a girl), and that being a boy encompasses a huge range of things.  As he gets older, there will be lots of opportunities to talk about gender and rights, equality and responsibilies, and how he wants to be in the world.  The first step I hope to teach him is to simply be himself.

Comments

[colin]

Bravo! The colour thing is crazy. I worried that my girls might have colour vision problems because we were given so many pink clothes for them. I've been scolded in the grocery store for dressing my kids in the wrong colours. It just confuses the public, I'm told. And to think that's just the tip of the iceberg.

[tracey]

Funny how these days girls are being encouraged to do more of the traditional"boy stuff" than ever before (surfing, snowboarding, skateboarding, etc) yet there's a major lack in doing the same for our boys. Having a super smart, beautiful, passionate, and supportive mother is going to help him find his way. My huband's mother is one cool lady (and made up for a pretty much absent father) and my huband is by far, the greatest guy I know. I thank his mother for helping him on his path.

I think you're doing a great job with your son, pink or green nails.

[GraceD]

"The culture at large does not give him a lot of alternatives."

Standing up.
Applauding.
Yes. Tell. It.

[moreena]

Ahhhh. So good to read.

You know, I try to raise my girls with the complementary attitude you describe. Of course, it also irritates me when people act like Barbies are Satan's anti-feminist tool because it really matters so much more what you say to your kids and how you behave. I mean, I'm certainly not saying, "Hey! Doesn't Barbie look great?" so much as saying, "Wow! Barbie's clothes are really hard to get on! That kind of sucks!"

I can't figure out if I'm doing my girls a disservice or not...

[Valeria]

Barbie? What about those BRATZ dolls,ugh!